The Anthony Portantino campaign announced an additional haul of $437,120 for the most recent fundraising reporting cycle. That brings his totals to $1.2 million dollars. If you’re thinking to yourself, “Holy fucking shit that’s a lot of money for a a State Senate seat,” then you’re right. It’s a fucking dickload of money for a largely symbolic political stepping stone.
Apparently, that massive haul puts him at the top of (declared) candidates for the 25th district, not that there are any. Unless you count this pathetic piece of shit.
Not to downplay how impressive that $1.2 take is, let’s not forget that money doesn’t go as far as it used to these days. Especially when you consider the Portantinio campaign’s daily budget for bacon, candied bacon, chocolate-dipped bacon, bacon bits, bacon cheese burgers, bacon cheese fries, bacon milkshakes, bacon-wrapped bacon and bariatric surgery.
What the fuck is this weird shit? Mike Gatto talking to some old Italian dude and a fat lady? And there’s a bunch of people talking over them. And somebody yelling SHHH! at them. And it’s all echoing, and I can’t understand a goddamn thing. Mike looks pretty uncomfortable as he tries to issue some typical bullshit about how he loves the people of some community and that he has immigrants in his family. I don’t fucking get it. Watch it if you’re bored and have low expectations.
California State Controller Betty Yee recently endorsed Anthony Portantino, a fat turd, for the State Senate’s 25th district. This only matters because all sources seem to indicate that Portantino’s opponent in the Democratic primary will be Mike Gatto, the dude with Glendale’s biggest dick and softest balls.
What the fuck is wrong with California State Controller Betty Yee? Anthony Portantino is both fat and ugly and has a name that lends itself to obvious ridicule (i.e. Porkantino, Porkertino, Unimportantino). Does she really think a think a loser like that could stand a chance against a dude like Mike Gatto in the general election?
If this is the kind of judgement California’s State Controller exhibits, then it should come as no surprise that the state is mired in a fiscal nightmare. How could anyone endorse a lying scumbag who lies about his endorsements?
Fuck all the haters. Fuck all the nay-sayers. Assembly Bill 1085 is officially law in California, bitches!!! And who authored that bill? MIKE GATTO, BITCHES!!!
Whatever. To be honest, it’s not the sexiest or most controversial piece of legislation. That’s why our coverage has been minimal at best, and more focused on the bizarre tabloid elements of Casey Kasem’s passing.
AB1085 updates end-of-life visitation rights to accommodate for the realities of modern families. Far too often, end-of-life visitation rights are abused by vindictive step-parents, but thanks to Mike Gatto and his Big Dick of American Justice, children now have more legal avenues available to mitigate such disputes. Everyone should feel really great about that. It’s just not as sexy an issue as, say, online poker legalization, Bat World, or the rise of ISIS.