Welcome Cyril Pluckett!

Hard to believe that it’s already been four years since Daulton and I began this labor of love.  Over that time, we’ve chronicled the ups and downs of the Gatto administration, as well as the ups and downs of our own relationship.  And while this site remains as labor of love, there’s no denying the tremendous amounts of both needed to sustain a journal of such esteemed regard.

To help with the labor, we’re proud to introduce the newest member of the Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude team:  Cyril Pluckett.  Cyril works at the pet shop where Daulton buys seeds for his stupid awesome birds.  Cyril’s cultivated quite a fascination with Mike Gatto over the years, and is eager to find a constructive outlet for his new Adderall prescription.

Welcome to the team, Cyril!!!

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The Sierra Madre Tattler: An Enemy of Gatto

It’s been a long time coming, but I finally got around to adding The Sierra Madre Tattler to the official Enemies of Mike Gatto List.*  Not only did they slander the handsomest legislator in the history of representative democracy, but they look like turds and like to fuck pigs.  But hey, what would you expect from the festering anal wart that is the city of Sierra Madre?

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* This list is not issued by or on behalf of Mike Gatto, his staff, or his campaign.  It is reference source maintained by the authors of this site — who despite the outlandish claims of the Sierra Madre Tattler, are not Mike Gatto.

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8 Inanimate Objects That Remind Jarvis Mitchell of the Sierra Madre Tattler

Hot on the heels of their latest slandering of Mike “Golden Dick” Gatto, I can’t seem to get the Sierra Madre Tattler off my mind.  Here are 8 inanimate objects that remind me of the Sierra Madre Tattler.

8.

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Another day at the office for the Sierra Madre Tattler

7.

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Is that the Sierra Madre Tattler in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?

6.

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Some would say this turd looks like a cock and balls while others see the Sierra Madre Tattler.

5.

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Nothing sucks like having to drop an SMT at 30,000 feet.

4.

turds

What’s shittier than one Sierra Madre Tattler? Two Sierra Madre Tattlers.

3.

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Q: What did Pizza Hut say to the toilet? A: Sierra Madre Tattler.

2.

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“M” is for “Madre.” As in “Sierra Madre Tattler is a piece of shit.”

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Sierra Madre Tattler.

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President of Armenia: Mike Gatto is a Sweet Dude!!!

Serzh Sarkisian, President of the beleaguered nation of Armenia, recently awarded Assemblyman Mike Gatto one of his country’s highest honors:  the Mkhitar Gosh Medal for outstanding state and social-political activities.  Gatto would have been a shoe-in for the Ohmi Gosh medal for outstanding horse cock, except that no such award exists in Armenia.  Yet.

“Pursuant to paragraph 16, article 55 of the Constitution of the Republic of Armenia, and guided by the Law of the Republic of Armenia on State Awards, I hereby decree: To award Mike Gatto, California State Assemblymember, the Mkhitar Gosh Medal for his contribution in strengthening and developing the Armenia-U.S. friendly relations and many years of dedication to Armenian issues.” said President Sarkisian.

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In singling out Gatto for the esteemed award, President Sarkisian touched upon many of the same issues we’ve covered on this site:  Gatto’s efforts to win international recognition of the Armenian genocide, opening legal avenues for genocide victims to seek reparations, and forcefully decrying the continued malevolence of the Ottoman Turks.

President Sarkisian also singled out Gatto’s efforts to support the fledgling Nagorno-Karabakh Republic.  “Assemblyman Mike Gatto authored AJR 32, which made California the most populous entity in the world to recognize the Nagorno-Karabakh Republic and called upon the United States government to do the same.”

For years now, we’ve referred to Assemblyman Mike Gatto as an “Honorary Armenian” in light of his efforts to prove himself to a key ethnic voting bloc.  In some small measure, we feel like we can share in the validation offered by the Mkhitar Gosh Medal.

And to think, it wasn’t that long ago that deranged Armenian extremists accused Mike of undermining Armenian candidates and disenfranchising Armenian delegates to clinch the Glendale vote.  Chief among these critics was Peter Musurlian, a fat lunatic who got served with a restraining order.

When reached for comment on Gatto’s recognition, Musurlian drooled, giggled and repeated the phrase, “Derrrrrrrr… me poo poo on myself.”

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Mike Gatto vs. Big Brother

In the battle for techno-privacy and digital liberty, Mike Gatto has decided to play offense.  He’s formed a new committee of state lawmakers, attorneys and technology experts to try and get proactive about issues of privacy and information security.

“The legislature in the past has been too reactive,” Gatto explained to the eager cameras.  “There will be a big hack or a big data breach or somebody’s medical records will get released, and the legislature will react.  This committee will give us the opportunity to be proactive and really try to tackle these issues before they become big issues.”

Makes sense to me.   Tits rule.

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Mike Gatto vs. Spy TV’s

Mike “Wide Load” Gatto took to the airwaves to decry new technology that could turn your harmless television into a digital spy.

Consumers have been forced to strike a delicate balance in the evolving conflict between technology and privacy.  But sextastic Assemblyman Mike Gatto has drawn a line in the sand when it comes to equipping televisions with microphones that can use to record and transmit conversations.

Gatto offers a reluctant acceptance of Internet sites storing information on our browsing habits in an attempt to tailor unique advertising experiences.  But he thinks it’s creepy as fuck if a TV did it too.

Makers of these “smart TV’s” insist the voice-recording features are only used to customize voice-activated controls.  But that’s a pile of horseshit.  Smart TV’s can suck doo doo from my butthole.

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InfoGraphic!

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