Mike Gatto Offers $$$ for Good Ideas

One of Mike Gatto’s pet projects, a state-wide initiative to award cash for good ideas, is ready to launch.  It may sound strange to elect politicians to fix the government, only to have them turn around and offer you money to tell them how, but that’s the idea.  And according to this badass clip from Assembly Access, it’s worked elsewhere.

Mike Gatto rightly describes California as an “App Economy,” and expects many of these submissions to be related to technology and how it can be applied to streamline government processes.

I don’t know much about government processes, but I do know about dicks and fucking.  And if you ask me, it’s a goddamn travesty that there are tons of pills  to get your dick hard but no pills to make you jizz more.  So there!  California can have my brilliant idea… I want a pill that makes me jizz gallons.  Where’s my 25 grand?

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Trees that Look Like a Cock

For reasons the sweet dudes here at Mike Gatto Is a Sweet Dude don’t fully understand, we’ve received numerous search engine referrals for the term “trees that look like a cock.” Since there’s evidently demand for trees that look like a cock, and since people come to our site looking for them, here’s a few super sweet photos of trees that look like giant cocks:





There. I hope you sick fucks are happy now. This old lady sure is — she’s about to get a faceful of tree jizz.

Mike Gatto rules.

I’m not related to him, though. Mike Gatto has a bigger cock and much softer balls.

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Gov. Jerry Brown Buttfucks Mike Gatto / CA Motorists

The LA Times is reporting that California Governor Jerry Brown vetoed a bill by Mike Gatto that would have eased traffic around Glendale and Pasadena opening carpool lanes on the 210 and 134 during non-commute hours.

Lest there be any doubt, it was a sweet plan.  Similar initiatives help alleviate traffic in North Hollywood, but apparently Governor Jerry Brown would rather shit all over Glendale, it’s esteemed political patriarch and all the motorists who travel through on a daily basis.

The Governor did sign three other bills aimed at traffic in LA, including Mike Gatto’s Yellow Alert system to find hit and run drivers.  So I guess you could say it was somewhat misleading to go with the “Brown Buttfucks Gatto” headline.  But, eh… whatever.  I like the buttfucking angle.

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Anthony Portantino is Fat

What the fuck?  Apparently Anthony Portantino produces and hosts a public access show where he interviews boring assholes while looking fat.  Like really, really fat.  In this long and stupid and boring video Portantino asks questions about the Burbank School District.  But he’s ugly and he sucks and he has no charisma, so nobody can pay attention.  I can’t believe the Democratic Party is going to allow a fat dullard like this to sully a candidate of national, generational potential like Mike Gatto in an prolonged and unnecessary primary.

People don’t vote with their brains… the vote with their dicks and clits.  And what dickclit would vote for this fat fuck?

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Anthony Portainto: Rich Fat Fuck

The Anthony Portantino campaign announced an additional haul of $437,120 for the most recent fundraising reporting cycle.  That brings his totals to $1.2 million dollars.  If you’re thinking to yourself, “Holy fucking shit that’s a lot of money for a a State Senate seat,” then you’re right.  It’s a fucking dickload of money for a largely symbolic political stepping stone.

Apparently, that massive haul puts him at the top of (declared) candidates for the 25th district, not that there are any.  Unless you count this pathetic piece of shit.

Not to downplay how impressive that $1.2 take is, let’s not forget that money doesn’t go as far as it used to these days.  Especially when you consider the Portantinio campaign’s daily budget for bacon, candied bacon, chocolate-dipped bacon, bacon bits, bacon cheese burgers, bacon cheese fries, bacon milkshakes, bacon-wrapped bacon and bariatric surgery.IMG_1858

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WTF? Mike Gatto & Italians?

What the fuck is this weird shit?  Mike Gatto talking to some old Italian dude and a fat lady?  And there’s a bunch of people talking over them.  And somebody yelling SHHH! at them.  And it’s all echoing, and I can’t understand a goddamn thing.  Mike looks pretty uncomfortable as he tries to issue some typical bullshit about how he loves the people of some community and that he has immigrants in his family.  I don’t fucking get it.  Watch it if you’re bored and have low expectations.

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California State Controller Betty Yee Endorses a Fat Turd

California State Controller Betty Yee recently endorsed Anthony Portantino, a fat turd, for the State Senate’s 25th district.  This only matters because all sources seem to indicate that Portantino’s opponent in the Democratic primary will be Mike Gatto, the dude with Glendale’s biggest dick and softest balls.

What the fuck is wrong with California State Controller Betty Yee?  Anthony Portantino is both fat and ugly and has a name that lends itself to obvious ridicule (i.e. Porkantino, Porkertino, Unimportantino).  Does she really think a think a loser like that could stand a chance against a dude like Mike Gatto in the general election?

If this is the kind of judgement California’s State Controller exhibits, then it should come as no surprise that the state is mired in a fiscal nightmare.  How could anyone endorse a lying scumbag who lies about his endorsements?

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