California State Controller Betty Yee recently endorsed Anthony Portantino, a fat turd, for the State Senate’s 25th district. This only matters because all sources seem to indicate that Portantino’s opponent in the Democratic primary will be Mike Gatto, the dude with Glendale’s biggest dick and softest balls.
What the fuck is wrong with California State Controller Betty Yee? Anthony Portantino is both fat and ugly and has a name that lends itself to obvious ridicule (i.e. Porkantino, Porkertino, Unimportantino). Does she really think a think a loser like that could stand a chance against a dude like Mike Gatto in the general election?
If this is the kind of judgement California’s State Controller exhibits, then it should come as no surprise that the state is mired in a fiscal nightmare. How could anyone endorse a lying scumbag who lies about his endorsements?
Fuck all the haters. Fuck all the nay-sayers. Assembly Bill 1085 is officially law in California, bitches!!! And who authored that bill? MIKE GATTO, BITCHES!!!
Whatever. To be honest, it’s not the sexiest or most controversial piece of legislation. That’s why our coverage has been minimal at best, and more focused on the bizarre tabloid elements of Casey Kasem’s passing.
AB1085 updates end-of-life visitation rights to accommodate for the realities of modern families. Far too often, end-of-life visitation rights are abused by vindictive step-parents, but thanks to Mike Gatto and his Big Dick of American Justice, children now have more legal avenues available to mitigate such disputes. Everyone should feel really great about that. It’s just not as sexy an issue as, say, online poker legalization, Bat World, or the rise of ISIS.
Mike “GigaDick” Gatto quietly euthanized a beloved piece of pet legislation last week when he withdrew AB9, his attempt at legalizing online poker. Following some early optimism, Gatto saw his faith in the bill dim over recent weeks. And now it seems like Gatto’s bill will join the scrap heap of other failed online poker legalization efforts.
There are still a couple of online poker bills alive in the Senate and the Assembly, but realistically, there doesn’t seem to be any way to reconcile the demands of opposing parties that include online poker sites, Native American tribes, and racetracks (not to mention those parties that flat-out oppose gambling). Gatto’s withdrawal contains an “urgency clause,” which will allow for a fast-tracked 2/3 majority vote should the opposing parties magically reach some agreement on their own.
You what sucks a donkey dick? Drones. You know what sucks ten donkey dicks? Dumbass losers who spend their free time flying drones instead of fucking hot chicks. And you know what sucks ten thousand donkey dicks? When those dumbass losers fly their dumbass toys into forest fires, disrupting emergency responders.
For the third time in three weeks, firefighters had to call off firefighting efforts because dumbasses keep flying their drones in the way of emergency helicopters. These disruptions can set back wildfire containment efforts for hours at a time and cost taxpayers lots of fucking money.
Thankfully, State Assemblyman Mike Gatto has a big dick and knows how to use it. He’s already jizzed out some new legislation seeking to seal the gaps in current federal aviation law when it comes to those annoying, stupid drones and the sexless losers who fly them. The proposed law would up the maximum penalties from $1,000 to $5,000 and add up to six months of jail time.